i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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