it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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