I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
