I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
