there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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