It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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