Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
