He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
