About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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