she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
