There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
