Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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