i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
