its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
