I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
