She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
