im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
