She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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