I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
