It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
