You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
