imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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