he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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