so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
