i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
