Define "chronic" masturbator.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
