currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
