i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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