Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize