There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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