Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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