why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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