She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Please don't give away my fajitas
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize