Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
