I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
