She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
