I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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