this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
