I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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