my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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