I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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