how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
