You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
