I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
