I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
