That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
