I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
