I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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