I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
