Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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