I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
