so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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