Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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