when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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