why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
