If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
