also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize