I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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