So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
