It's just like the Real World with babies
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
