At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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