PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They took my balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
