Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
