Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
