I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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