Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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