He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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