a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
