fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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