girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
