um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
