planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
