I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is wine microwaveable?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
