PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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