what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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