I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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