Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
